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The Bitterest Pill
Synopsis The parents of a mistreated boy win the lottery and are offered an dubious investment opportunity of a lifetime. Cast Directed by:Bryan Michael Stoller Written by: Michael Kube-McDowell and Jule Selbo Based on a story by: Frederik Pohl Tinker: Mark Blankfield Harlan Bender: Joe Carafello Margery Bender: Catherine Battistone Jonathan: Jason Horst Officer Kopec: John Marzilli Act I On a hot day, with the air conditioner on full blast, Jonathan is seen outside playing basketball. He comes in side, playing ball and doing commentary. His father, Harlan is reading the newspaper. He doesn't even look up and tells Jonathan to take out the garbage. He repeats himself, but Jonathan continues to play basketball. His mother enters the room and tells Jonathan not to tell play in the house. Jonathan throws the ball, which lands in a basket of pretzels. Harlan calls him a 'stupid kid' and his mom tells him again to not play in the house. Jonathan apologizes and goes to turn on the television. Harlan immediately forces him to turn it off. Asking for some activity to keep him busy, Margery tells Jonathan to read a book and Harlan says to read a long book so he won't be annoyed by Jonathan's presence. Jonathan asks for the sports section, but Harlan offers him the national news. When Jonathan expresses that this is boring, Harlan tells him he can simply go to his room. Jonathan gives in and reads the national news. Opening the news section, Jonathan immediately sees the winning lottery numbers. Looking up, he notices that they have won the ten million dollar lottery. Jonathan calls for his mother, telling her that they have won the lottery, something he points out that his father never even noticed. Harlan sends Jonathan to get Margery's purse. Margery begins to talk about what she wants to do with the money and Harlan asks Jonathan where the purse is. When Jonathan says he cannot find the purse, Harlan calls him a "stupid kid" and runs up the stairs to find the purse. Margery calls her friend to gloat, and the friend hangs up on her. Jonathan announces that he found that ticket and you hear Harlan knock into him and take the ticket. Act II The phone is ringing and Margery answers it, saying she doesn't want any. The house is much nicer than in the previous scene. Harlan goes to the door, answered by Officer Kopec. Kopec tells Harlan someone is there to see him and although originally Harlan instructs Kopec to get rid of the person. He then gives Harlan some telegrams and offers Harlan two tickets to the Polish security guard's ball and Harlan slams the door in his face. Harlan takes the telegrams that Kopec gave him and puts them down. Harlan won't read them because they are likely just from salesman. Jonathan tells his mom through an intercom that he cannot find a t-shirt and Margery goes up, in a huff, to help him. The doorbell rings again and Harlan answers it. Officer Kopec relays a message from the person: Tell Cuddles that Tinker is here." Harlan immediately seems worried and asks who it is giving the message. Kopec tells him it is Winston McNeally McGee. Harlan wants Kopec to get rid of him, but Tinker shows up behind Kopec, measuring him. Margery sees that it is her friend, Tinker, she being Cuddles, and invites Tinker in, much to Harlan's chagrin. Tinker immediately explains his need for an aspirin, using long and technical names for the ingredients of an aspirin. Margery sends Harlan off to get one. When Jonathan comes downstairs, Tinker begins to, in great detail, describe how genetics works. Doing so seems to hurt his head and Tinker has to sit down. Jonathan seems very interested in what is going on. When Harlan brings the aspirin for Tinker, he orders Tinker to leave. Margery tells him to be nice, and then Harlan identifies him as the man who tried to cuckold him on his wedding night. Continuing to talk about thing in great detail, he eventually explains to Harlan that he wants Harlan's help in conquering the world. Jonathan is immediately intrigued, but his parents tell him to go to his room. Once Jonathan is gone, Tinker starts going into his long descriptions about everything again. Harlan then demands to know what Tinker wants, and Tinker (after slapping Margery on the behind) tells Harlan he is offering him a chance to conquer the world. Harlan accuses Tinker of wanting to take money away from him the same way he tried to take Margery from him before. Tinker insists, however, that he wants to help Harlan make money. Jonathan asks repeatedly through the intercom if he can come down, but his parents keep telling him no. Tinker tries to explain his plan to own the world to Harlan. Tinker invented a drug that allows the person to take it to have total recall. Harlan is immediately uninterested and demands that Tinker leave. Margery forces Harlan to listen to Tinker and leaves. Tinker begins to explain his discovery to Harlan, who is unimpressed. Tinker tries to explain that someone who has total recall can rule the world. However, he continues to act very bizarre as he explains it. Tinker explains that he remembers everything, but that his head hurts. Act III Tinker takes a bottle of pills out of his jacket. One of the pills will remove the blocks between memory recall for one hour. Taking twenty pills will remove the blocks permanently and the person will have total recall for the rest of his life. Harlan seems mildly impressed, but insists that no one would really want to have total recall. As Harlan tries to leave, Tinker proposes that they talk money. He insists that he knows more about every stock on the stock exchange and if Harlan gives him a million and he can turn it into a billion within a year. Harlan keeps rejecting Tinker's ideas, but Tinker and Margery insist that he take one of the pills and that the headaches are worth it. Once Harlan has had enough of Tinker, who keeps lowering his asking price, he swats at Tinker. This causes Tinker to fall on the table, breaking it and dropping the pills on the floor. Officer Kopec comes into the house and despite Margery's protests that Tinker is practically family, Harlan has Kopec remove him from the house. Jonathan is finally allowed to come downstairs, but only so he can clean up the mess of the table that Tinker made. While Harlan is explaining to Margery that he doesn't want to remember everything, he convinces Margery that the two of the should start living like they are rich. When they talk about all of the fun things they want to do, they decide to pawn Jonathan off on a babysitter. They say they will fly to New York, have a pizza, see a Broadway play and really live. As Harlan and Margery decide to leave, they are distracted by Jonathan. Jonathan begins to recite a lot of information, making his parents realize that he took the pills left by Tinker. He takes another pill and tells his parents they taste terrific. In a business suit and followed by Kopec, Jonathan comes into his parent's house. After instructing them on not buying so much alcohol, Jonathan tells his parents that Tinker's mistake was that a developing brain could handle the pills much better than a fully grown brain. This led to Jonathan not having the horrid side effects of the pills that Tinker had. He explains that he has been named the legal guardian of his parents. This guardianship set four precedents and cost a quarter of a million dollars, but he says it was worth it. As Jonathan and Kopec are about to leave, Margery asks Jonathan if they can have cable for the television. Jonathan flatly tells them no and tells them if they are bored, they can read a book. He then gives them his autobiography titled : The Bitterest Pill. Notes The winning lottery numbers were 31-3-15-38 The airline number is 555-0404 The babysitter's number is 555-1645 The broadway ticket office number is 1-800-376-2929 Category:1986 Category:Season 3 Category:Written by Jule Selbo Category:Written by Michael Kube-McDowell Category:Episodes